Maybe they've been watching too many British movies/musicals for grownups . . .

Overheard Ruby playing with friends yesterday and crying out in a rich British accent, "No you don't, you bawstard!" Had to laugh when I heard Cici whisper, "Um, Ruby, that's a bad word . . ."

I Think It's A Deal.

[The family is having dinner.]

Dadam: . . . so, Ruby, here's the plan. We're going to put up a chart for you, and if you get fifteen stickers, you can get that pair of high heels that you want. You get a sticker every time you behave nicely, like being a good listener, or helping out around the house, or finishing your dinner without us having to yell at you, or not fighting with your sister. And every time you do something naughty - like throw a fit, or argue with us, or fight with your sister - you get a sticker taken off.

Ruby: Oh, so then I have one less, like I'm going back.

Dadam: That's right. So what do you say, do we have a deal? [extends hand] Let's shake on it.

[Ruby farts.]

Ruby: Let's fart on it is more like it.

Answer: Six Minutes.

Question: Approximately how long did Cici and Ruby laugh when the narrator on PBS's Nature said "brown booby" last night?

Not To Put Too Fine A Point On It.

We've had some complaints about our lack of posting these days (sorry, Mom), so here's a second item for today. Hopefully they'll tide you over for a while.

I really shouldn't be telling this one, because I only got it secondhand, but here's my impression of it. Last week Ruby called Grandma K------ on the phone to chat. Most of you know that my mom and dad live in a beautiful patch of country in rural Wisconsin, and animal sightings are quite common - deer, sandhill cranes, wild turkeys, coyotes. Well, Grandma K. was telling Ruby about the trouble they've been having lately with raccoons in their garden. The conversation went something like this:

Grandma: Every time it looks like the corn is going to be ready, we'll come out and a raccoon will have pulled it down off the stalk.

Ruby: Oh!

Grandma: What a naughty raccoon!

Ruby: Yeah . . . what a dumbass.

At this point Grandma asked for a clarification.

Grandma: What did you say?

Ruby [sheepishly]: Um . . . a bad word?

Momlissa said she's never heard Grandma laugh so hard in all the time she's known her.

A Probably Inappropriate Conversation.

[Dadam and the girls are looking through National Geographic magazine, and they come upon a photo of a starving Ethiopian baby.]

Dadam: Oh, that's sad.

Cici: What?

Dadam: That baby is starving; he's probably going to die. That's why we're lucky to live in the United States.

Cici: Yeah, because we don't have to worry about getting food.

Ruby: Why's that baby going to die?

Dadam: Because he can't get any food. It says his mother doesn't get enough nutrition to feed him.

Cici: Why doesn't she just give him her food?

Dadam: Because he's not old enough. He still needs milk.

Ruby: Oh yeah, from the NIPPLES! The mommy feeds the baby from her NIPPLES!

Dadam: Yes, Ruby.

Ruby: And when I have a baby I'm going to feed him from my NIPPLES too!

Dadam: Okay, Rubes.

The S Word and the C Word.

[The family is out having dinner at a restaurant. The girls are coloring their kids' menus, and Ruby spills the cup holding the crayons.]

Ruby: Shit.

Cici: Mom! Ruby said a bad word!

Momlissa: What was it?

Cici: It was the S Word.

Dadam: Ruby, what did you say?

Ruby: I said 'shit.'

Dadam: Ruby, we don't say that word.

Ruby: But I spilled my colors.

Dadam: Ruby, we don't say that word.

Ruby: Oh. [to Cici:] But I can say 'crap,' right?

Cici: Yeah, 'crap' is just the C Word.

Random Ruby Quotes From Fourth Of July Weekend.

Mommy, don't be a bad fartface!

Mommy, you're a badass.

[sung:] Don't you want tooooo
Go to bed?
Don't you want tooooo
Waste your time?
[final time:] Don't you want toooo
Be a poopy-butt, hee hee hee hee hee.

Random quotes.

"I'm supposed to be having a happy life, and I don't feel like I am." (Cici, after being informed she could not go to the park on account of it being almost 8:30 and dark.)

"I can say the dammit word now, because I'm a big kid." (Ruby.)

Political Incorrectness.

Some of you may remember that a while back we had some problems with Ruby referring to aliens as "Indians," thanks to one of her grandmothers who again shall remain nameless (Judy) having let her watch an old Dean Martin western spoof. I wouldn't have thought there was much that could be more mortifying than being out in a public place and having your child start shouting, "Help, help, the Indian is going to eat me!" . . .

. . . but apparently there is. Last night Cici started swim class at a local high school, and while Ruby and I were waiting for her to come out of the locker room afterwards, an East African student wearing a headscarf came walking up the hallway towards us. Ruby took one look and started shouting, "Help, help, a witch, a witch!"

Lord help us. . . .

Pickle Who?

The girls are watching PBS Kids' Super Why! right now, and the storyline involves Little Red Riding Hood having upset Peter Piper by eating one of his pickled peppers.

Ruby summarized the conflict for me by saying, "Red Riding Hood ate something . . . and Pickle Pecker was mad."

More Swearing - Not Our Fault This Time, Honest.

Cici: Daddy, is 'budge' the B word?

Dadam: Yes, 'budge' is a B word.

Cici: No . . . is 'budge' THE B word?

Dadam: Wait . . . what do you mean, THE B word?

Cici: Well, the kids at school say there's a B word that's a bad word, and that it's 'budge.'

Dadam [hardly believing his ears]: Well . . . no, it's not 'budge.'

More Undesirable Vocab.

[Cici is climbing up the ladder into her bunk bed, and Ruby is trying to follow her.]

Ruby: Let me sleep in your bed, Cici.

Cici: No, Ruby.

Ruby: Cici, let me sleep in your bed.

Cici: No, sleep in your own bed, Ruby.

Ruby: I wanna sleep in your BED, dammit!

More Vocab.

[Dadam is showing Cici flashcards with letter sounds on them, and asking if she can think of any words that start with them. The letter is 'c,' but specifically a 'c' that makes an 's' sound; the example on the card was 'city.']

Dadam: Okay, Cici, do you know any words that start with 'c' but make an 's' sound?

Cici [grinning]: 'Cici.'

Dadam: Yep, that's right. Can you think of any others?

Cici: 'Cecilia'!

Dadam: Well, of course. Anything else?

Cici: Um . . . 'singing'?

Dadam: No, 'singing' starts with an 's.'

Cici: 'Sounds'?

Dadam: No, that's also with an 's.'

Cici [after a long pause]: Hm . . . oh, I think I know, but - it's a naughty word.

Dadam: It is? What is it?

Cici: No, I can't tell you.

Dadam: Well, just whisper it to me.

Cici [whispering]: Is it 'shit'?

Vocab

It was quite the night for the girls and ... language. The hits:

1) Cici had pho tonight (a Vietnamese soup) that she really enjoyed. After her first bite she proclaimed, "So flippin' good!"

2) Ruby likes using and playing with chopsticks. Except she calls them fish sticks. (And we don't even FEED them fish sticks.) After a few tries at correcting her we simply gave up and let her have fun with her fish sticks.

3) When got home after dinner Momlissa, Dadam and Cici sat down to play Uno. When Cici was forced to Draw 2 we heard her mutter something that sounded like "damn." When we asked her, "What did you say?" she very convincingly told us, "I said dim."